


Where Do We Go From Here

by Mewwy



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Emotional Abuse, M/M, Psychological Torture, Psychological Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-31
Updated: 2012-09-04
Packaged: 2017-11-13 05:45:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/500142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mewwy/pseuds/Mewwy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Danny's gone. Or is he?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a completed 3 part story. The second part of this story deals with psychological and physical trauma. Please this could be triggering so read at your own risk.  
> This was a tough story to write. A lot of people screamed for a follow-up on the first part of this story. I knew it would take a dark path so I didn't want to write it. However, someone pointed out I needed to. So I took the painful path and wrote it. Please bare with it.  
> Thank you for listening to the neurotic author notes :)

It was a beautiful Wednesday morning. They had Grace the night before and Danny had enjoyed being able to make pancakes for his two favorite people. The Camaro was in HPD maintenance for a routine check up so they were going to be taking the truck. He had even grabbed Malasadas for the team. Yesterday had been a quiet one so today would be more paperwork. 

Such a good day that he was even walking the mile from the garage to the office. Not that he would let Steve know he willingly did any outside exercise without him. A good day indeed.

"Sir?"

"Yes?" Danny replied as he noticed the young man approach him.

"Can you help me?" A map was pulled out. "I seem to be lost."

Danny smiled at the young man. "How can I help you?" Before Danny could go any further, he felt the stun gun and snuck into darkness

**********************************

"Steven J. McGarrett, what the hell did you do?" Steve walked into HQ to Kono's quiet voice.

"Kono?" Steve questioned.

Kono and Chin were standing at the consol table and both turn to him. In their movement he saw the gun and badge on the table.

"Bossman what did you do?"

When Steve reached the table he saw what they were looking at – Danny’s gun and badge. A confused expression comes to his face.

"I didn't do anything Kono. I swear. He had Grace last night. Rachel and Stan had an event." Steve didn't add that Grace and Danny had stayed at his place and when they left that morning nothing was wrong. "Danny wouldn't quit without a word." His heart was beating way too fast.

"What the hell Steve?" Chin asked. 

"You tried calling him?" Both nodded. "Voice mail?"

"Worse boss…" Kono moved slightly and there was Danny's cell phone.

Now confusion turned to fear. When Danny and Grace had left that morning they were in good spirits. So was Steve.

"He was going to take Grace to school and drop the Camaro off." His team watched him as he dug through his brain to see what he may have done to upset the man. Shaking it off, no he hadn't done anything. They had kissed goodbye as usual. "Chin, track his cards. Kono go to the garage to see if the Camaro is there and track him back here." Steve then turned to leave.

"Boss where are you going?"

"His apartment," Steve replied.

Before Steve could let his fear take over, he was used his key to unlock Danny's apartment. When he entered, the fear that was slowly taking hold in his chest had a strangle hold on his heart. The apartment was clean. None of Danny's stuff was there. The place was empty. Steve did a quick walk through to double check that the place was empty and it was. Steve pulled his phone from his pocket and pressed the speed dial for Chin. "Chin." 

"Yeah boss?"

"Apartments clean. None of his things are here." Standing in the empty apartment this was not how Steve wanted to see it empty. He had planned on asking Danny to move in, but now the man had vanished.

"No activity on his cards. I checked airports and boats off the island. Nothing there either."

"He dropped the Camaro off." Kono's voice was distant. "Then Keeko said he was headed back here. He left the garage eating a Malasada." Her voice was near the phone now.

"Kono I need you to start going through Danny's case files. I am going to call Rachel and check in with Grace." Steve took a deep breath. "We will find him. Chin, check with Jersey and see if there is anything in any of his old cases there to explain this."

"Got it." The line disconnected. 

Where the hell are you Danny? Knowing he would need to see Grace he called Rachel first.

When Danny and he had gotten together, they sat down with Rachel and discussed the new events in all their lives. Rachel was not exactly supportive at first, but she explained how she thought it was her fault that Danny had sought out a man. Being as gentle as possibly, Danny let Rachel know he had been bisexual for years, but that he loved Rachel with everything. She was still a touch hesitant with their jobs, but in the end she had come around.

Steve dialed the familiar number and waited for the line to connect. "Rachel."

"Steven," Rachel’s voice was soft. "What is wrong?"

"Does something have to be wrong for me to call?" Steve replied as he tried to take calm easy breaths.

"Well, no, but given our track record,” Rachel paused, “tell me it is not Grace." Steve could hear a hint of fear.

"No. She is at school." He had checked himself on his way to Danny's. "It's Danny. He's missing." Rachel gasped. "Do you know why he would just disappear?" Quickly Steve filled Rachel in on the morning’s happenings as they knew it. "Rachel?"

Rachel was quiet for a long time. "Danny would not just drop Grace off at school Steven and vanish."

"I know." Words were unspoken between the two. They were friends and both knew Danny pretty well. "Can I speak to Grace? Maybe he said something to her?"

"Yes. I will meet you at her school in twenty minutes."

"Thank you Rachel."

"Find him Steven." She hung up.

"We will." Steve whispered even though Rachel could no longer hear him.

**********************************

When Steve returned to HQ a few hours later there was nothing new on his end. Grace had told them that Danny had a surprise for Steve for dinner tonight, but through her tears she wouldn't tell them. Rachel sent a text message just before he had pulled in that said Danny was going to make manicotti for dinner. Steve laughed painfully because Danny had told him it was his mission that they would die together of heart disease when they were old and gray.

"What do we have?"

The cousins looked up. "Nothing boss. New Jersey reports anyone violent enough is still in jail or dead. Most of those he put away are accounted for. They are checking on the half dozen that are not accounted for and will get back to me."

Kono stood up and walked to Steve. "How are you?"

Steve ran a hand through his hair. "Pissed. Confused. Pissed."

"Join the team. I haven't found anything. The perps from his HPD days are all accounted for. They’re either dead, or locked up." Kono spoke as she moved back to the table. "So we expanded the search to include our cases with Five-O and before."

"Problem is, one of us has classified missions and we can't gain access to them." Chin looked at Steve pointedly. "Even with full means."

"You think someone took Danny because of me?" Steve deflated. "Me?"

"Maybe, Steve. We won't know until we dig back through our cases, my old ones, and yours. Kono is clean before Five-O." From all outward appearances Chin was calm. Steve could see the small line around his eyes and it let him know that calm was not really what Chin was.

"I'll make some calls." Steve replied as he unconsciously rubbed the left side of chest. He looked at his team. "If I can get us access to my missions, you need to remember..."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can kill with a paperclip and Elmer's glue. Got it boss." Kono smiled wickedly. Steve could see she wanted to know more about his missions as a SEAL. "We won't say a word. Or think any differently. Promise." Her wicked smile became soft.

He saw Chin nod at her assessment. "Fine." Steve went into his office and closed the door. Was Danny missing because of him? "Oh Danno. Where are you?"

Steve picked up his phone, dialed a number and made his requests.

**********************************

When the light from the upper window hit his face, Danny grimaced. At least it was daylight again. Or was it the same day and he had passed out again. Danny didn’t know which it was. He struggled with the bonds on his arms. They still didn't budge. Somewhere in his addled brain Danny knew that Steve would have escaped eons ago. Super SEAL would have hog tied the bad guys and carried them out bodily and then dropped them in front of HPD. 

The masked man walked up to Danny and held up the wand. "Oh goodie I enjoy being stunned. Please sir may I have another?" The man chuckled and stunned Danny into blackness again.

**********************************

"Three days and nothing," Steve murmured to himself as he paced the office.

Steve had been given permission to go through his classified mission reports, but as redacted as they, were they were still no closer to finding a viable suspect. Kono was pissed because the mission files didn't have any juicy SEAL stuff in them, but Steve let her direct that at who took their friend. 

"Steve,” Chin called out as he pulled up an email that was directed to the general account for Five-0, “we may have something." Chin did some fast typing. "There is a video embedded in it." Chin worked his usual computer magic to get the relevant information before starting the video. He grunted his satisfaction and clicked on the play button.

It was a grainy image of Danny tied to a chair. He seemed asleep, or worse. There was no sound that could be heard and then Danny's head whipped up. Looking straight into the camera before the room flashed bright white and the image died.

"Shit Danny!" Kono screamed. 

Chin quickly went through the computer to see if they had lost the file. It did not delete after running which was a good thing. Before looking up he did some quick work.

"GPS coordinates." He pulled them up on the map and it showed a small building out by the Dole Pineapple plantation.

"Steve?"

"Get someone there now." He had remained silent as his world collapsed. Watching Danny die wasn't as bad as he had ever imagined. It was a million times worse. "Let's go."

**********************************

They reached the building after fire crews had put the fire out. Upon arrival the team saw the ME had already bagged the two bodies that had been inside the building.

"Max?" Steve wanted to see which one was Danny. He owed it to Rachel and Grace and himself.

"Commander," Max looked at Chin, Kono and Steve. "You have my deepest sympathies." The trio gave a small nod. "That being said, the bodies are both burned beyond recognition. I will need to do a complete autopsy to be sure, but they appear to have died due to a blast."

Steve tried to digest what Max was saying. "Max." The ME turned to look at Chin. "Can you rush the autopsy?"

"I will do it very quickly. But I never rush." With that Max walked away to the Medical Examiner's van.

"Steve." Chin moved into Steve's line of site to block the view of the bags. "We don't know for sure. Let Max give us the information."

"Chin." The words faltered. His life was over. Without Danny there would be no future. He had lost men before, loved ones too, but no one like Danny. He had to tell Rachel and Grace. "How do I tell them he died because of me?"

"Boss, we don't know he was taken because of you." Kono laid her hand on his arm. "We need to let Max do his job and then we tackle this like any other case." Though she made no noise, Steve could tell she was crying. "We get the sons of bitches."

Allowing himself to be taken back to HQ, Steve shut down. As a SEAL he was taught to compartmentalize his emotions. This was different. There was a numbness he had never experienced before. Steve had once spent several hours in a sensory deprivation tank and this was worse than that.

How do people function with grief this powerful? He knew he needed to talk to his team, but he couldn't get the words to come out. Steve was moving on automatic pilot as he went to his office and sat down.

When Kono came to check on him Steve was curled into a fetal position on his couch shaking slightly. She closed the door and left him there to mourn in peace.

**********************************

The funeral was supposed to be Ohana only. Danny was an outsider and none of them really expected hundreds of people to show up at his funeral. Yes, he was a damn fine police officer, but he hadn't made a lot of friends on the island. Time and time again someone came up to Rachel or Steve or Grace and said how wonderful he was. Helluva a cop. Steve and Rachel had told Grace together. Knowing that Steve would be there for Grace forever, Rachel had legal papers drawn up giving Steve the same rights as Danny. 

When the funeral was over the idea of having a wake at Steve's house changed to a larger venue at the Hilton to accommodate everyone who attended the funeral. Chin had made some calls. A few people at Steve's would have been fine, but over a hundred. Not good.

Still working on autopilot Steve had stopped counting the condolences, thoughts and prayers. He knew he should be doing more or helping or something. But his life had stopped in the instant of the explosion. Only viewing it once had forever etched it into his brain. Steve wasn’t able to sleep without seeing Danny die.

Steve knew Chin and Kono were still trying to find out why Danny had been killed, but he still was having trouble admitting that Danny was dead. He didn't feel dead to Steve, but then again Steve didn't really feel anything right now.

**********************************

A paper was dropped in front of a grizzled man being held captive. Carefully the man reached for it and sighed. When he looked up at his keeper there was still a small hint of defiance in his eyes.

A harsh chuckle came from his jailer. "Now it begins Williams."

 

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has Dark themes. Psychological and physical torture. If it is not your thing, please do not read any further. To some this could be triggered. Please be careful.

It was a quiet day at Iolani Palace. The 5-0 team and their newest member were in their offices. Confidently and calmly the bearded man climbed the stairs to the 5-0 offices. His steps slowed as he passed the darkened office. Kono was the first to notice the man from her office as he was purposefully striding up to Chin and Steve at the consol table as they went over some crime scene photos from a series of home invasions. Firmly the bearded man cleared his throat, raised his gun, and as the two men turned to see who it was, the man fired his gun three times into the chest of Steve McGarrett. When dead man Danny Williams shot Steve McGarrett all hell broke loose.

**********************************

After coming out of the box, using the bathroom and eating something, Danny was always told the same thing: "You're going to kill a man for me Danny." And it was always said to him by the same person: the old man with glasses and the fedora.

As usual Danny fought back. "You're nuts. I'm going to kill you." Standing and advancing on the man, but Danny's shackled foot and the chair attached to it only reached so far. The man, who Danny had nicknamed Indy because of the hat, just chuckled at Danny's attempt to reach him.

"Careful there Detective. I can just as easily have you put back in the box."

A shudder passed through Danny. His home for the last 15 days, not like he was counting or anything, had been a 4 foot square shipping box. In the box time stood still. There were a couple of holes for air on each side but no light came in them, so Danny never knew if it was day or night. They always returned him to the box, where he could at least curl up, after they beat him. Moving back to the chair Danny sat down. He knew his team thought him dead so he was on his own. "I told you I'm not killing anyone for you. That is final."

"Oh, Detective,” the man paused, “If only you would see it my way." With a wave of the hand two men the size of gorillas came in the room.

Danny had silently hung his head. It never got any further than Danny refusing to kill for Indy. At his refusal he was once again beaten. Bones were never broken, but he was worked over pretty good.

"Again I am sorry Detective. You will see it my way."

The man in the fedora left, but Danny doubted he didn't watch the proceedings. He had noticed the cameras in the room. Other than Danny's box, this metal table, that was riveted to the floor, the chair and the spike in the ground that his metal chair is attached to, the room was empty.

Magilla one grabbed his arms and stood him up. Magilla two turned his chair and he was forced back into it. Apparently today's beating would be his back. Danny was sitting backwards on the chair. Suddenly there was a flurry of blows to his lower back, but his kidneys were always avoided.

In an attempt to keep his mind off the beatings he got, Danny thought of Steve and Grace. They were the only thing that kept him sane and believing he would one day be rescued. If Steve could survive Wo Fat in North Korea and come back to Danny then Danny could survive this and get back to Steve. He just hoped he would be able to come up with a way out.

Danny wasn't sure how many days had truly passed since Indy dropped the newspaper in front of him about his own funeral. From what little he read of it, the Governor had been there, so naturally that made it front page news. That was day 7 from what Danny was able to gather from the date on the paper.

Magilla one grabbed his head and pulled him backwards into a standing position. Danny was forced to his knees as they began to kick at his legs and arms. Danny tried to curl up, but Magilla one had his hair well in hand and that forced him to stay in the kneeling position while they kicked at him. Panting and in pain Danny was dragged across the room and tossed into his box. He immediately curled up in the fetal position as he heard the tell tale signs of the front panel being locked closed. When Danny was out of the box he could see the three locks that kept him inside. The good news, if there was any, was they would leave him alone now.

This was Danny’s new routine. He refused to kill for Indy and the Magilla brothers beat him. Then they shoved him into his box until it was time for his bathroom break. It would be a good idea to check his urine to see that he wasn’t pissing blood. That nasty task is done by going into the corner of the room by his box and using, what appears to be, a human sized cat litter box. There was actual cat litter in the box. Danny didn’t know what happened to the dirty litter he doesn't really care.

Danny was left him alone until meal time, if it could even call it dinner or breakfast, since the room didn't have any windows and the light was the same all the time. Danny figured that Indy wanted to keep him healthy as he was just given just enough to keep him alive and functioning.

What was never told to him was who Danny was supposed to kill. Maybe he could fake it and find out who he was supposed to kill, and when or if they let him out to kill the person, he could make a run for it; make it look good for his captors then run straight to Five-0. They would help him find these bastards, except there were a few problems with that plan. First, they didn’t have a clue as to where he was. Second, Five-0 thought he was dead. Third, he didn't have the strength physically to keep up with these beatings much longer.

From what he could tell they beat him twice a day. Danny was guessing it was a day because he always was given food within an hour or so of the beatings. It made sense that it was twice a day. What he really wanted was Steve.

Steve. Despite the fact that Steve thought him dead, Danny wasn't going to ever give up on him. The man may not know Danny is alive, but he would always believe in Steve to come for him. They have always had a link that went beyond friendship and lovers. And Danny did, no does, love Steve. When Steve had said "I'll think of you every day" when he went to Korea, Danny was channeling that. What would Steve the SuperSEAL do? Would he keep fighting? Hell yes. So that is what Danny did. He lost himself in fantasy to hide from the pain of the beatings and imagined what their life would be like once Danny got free.

**********************************

"Grace. We're home." Gently waking Grace up Steve picked her up from the truck and carried her inside to Rachel's. Rachel was standing at the door with Charlie in her arms. "I'll take her upstairs."

"Okay." She closed the door after him as he took Grace to bed. When he returned he found Rachel in the kitchen making tea. "Tea?"

"Yeah. I could use it." He tickled Charlie under his chin and rubbed his tummy.

"What happened?" Pouring the tea into cups and handing him one.

"She threw another tantrum. Not wanting to leave the house. She was wearing one of Danny's tee shirts and refused to get in the truck." Steve took a sip and thought back to the scene at the house as he told it to Rachel.

Grace had refused to leave the house and ran down to the beach to get away from Steve. It wasn't the first time she had done this. The child psychiatrist said she would continue to act out in her grief. Anyway she was sitting in Danny's chair on the beach crying. She didn't want to leave in case he came home. Grace was struggling with the loss of Danny like they all were. When Steve tried to pick her up she just pounded her little hands on his chest and then when he got her up she kicked and screamed and pounded until Steve lost his grip. 

Grace went running back inside and Steve had to search the house for her. He found her crying on Danny's side of the bed and all Steve could do was rub her back until she calmed down. Once she had he carried the distressed child out to the truck and seat belted her in. She fell asleep about halfway to Rachel's.

"I'm sorry Steve." Rachel reached out to touch him. "It's going to be rough for her. Both of you."

Trying not to tear up Steve nodded. "I know you have given me Danny's custody so Grace still has something of Danny in her life, but this could be a mistake. It seems being at the house makes it worse for her."

Squeezing his arm Rachel put her tea down. "Dr. Cleeves thinks it is best if we keep everything as normal as it was. Since Danny was all, but living with you at the house that is the best for Grace. She is having trouble here and at school. It isn't just your house Steven."

"I just don't know. Danny would kill me if I screw up Grace."

"Steven." Rachel said softly. Sometimes it seemed like Steve was in as much of denial as Grace. "Danny's dead. You won't screw her up. You love her."

"Oh, god," Steve turned from Rachel before the tears began to flow. She came around and gave him a hug. Holding on tightly Steve let the wave of grief collapse over him. Rachel was rubbing his back and speaking nonsense words like he was Grace. Finally the tears subsided. "Damn Rachel. I'm sorry."

"Don't be." She let him go with a squeeze. "This is hard on all of us. Especially you and Grace."

"It's just sometimes I forget he's gone. I will turn to tell him something. Or leave him a note that I am going out. Tonight Grace sat a third place setting at the table and I didn't think it was wrong until we were halfway through dinner." His breath caught in his throat.

"It will never be easier, but you will get through this. Both you and Grace."

**********************************

On day 22, Danny was lying in his box wondering what Chin and Kono were doing. Maybe they were at the beach. Or HQ. Maybe they were on a stakeout. He doesn't want to wonder what Steve was doing because that hurts too much.

It had been almost a month since he was taken. His days consisted of lying in his box or sitting in the corner, beatings, and that stupid request. It echoed in his ears in the dark, "I want you to kill someone." Always that damn request. Over and over. Danny has tried to figure out who Indy would go through this much trouble to kill, but it's useless. The man has an American accent, wears a fedora, smells faintly of cigarette smoke, and has a small limp when it gets too cold in the room. 

The limp had been new information that Danny had just learned. His clothes had long ago been taken and he was used to wearing a tee shirt and filthy boxers. At least they weren't soiled. Some days it was hard to wait to go to the bathroom. Other days the beatings made him wet his pants. Whenever he got too dirty he was told to strip and they brought him a bucket of cold water and a rag. That seems to be every five days or so. Unless he wets on himself from a beating, then it is the same day he wet himself. Apparently they want to keep him semi healthy with the food and baths.

The beatings never let up. Those continued twice a day. His bruises had bruises. There wasn't an inch of his body that didn't have bruises. Well, that wasn't true. They never hit his face. For some reasons the beatings never included his face.

Hearing the outer door open Danny knew it was time for the question again. He had to admit his curiosity was really peaking. Who would this man go through so much trouble to kill? Who was worth that hassle? It was as if Indy had all the time in the world. Danny guessed he did. Since the world thought Danny Williams was dead.

**********************************

"Steve you can't keep on like this." Chin was trying to get Steve to go home and rest. They had been on several back to back high profile cases and they finally had some down time.

"Chin. I respect you man, but I need to be here."

Chin shook his head. "No you don't. Let me and Kono work on the paperwork. Go home and rest. You haven't been sleeping."

Steve's head shot up at that. "How would you know?"

"I know you. You have been running yourself ragged since Danny's death. If it isn't the case of the week you are knee deep into who kidnapped him." Chin sighed. "Steve you need to get some rest."

Watching the man carefully Chin just waited on Steve. "I haven't slept in our bed since he died, but Grace won't sleep anywhere else. I sleep in Grace's room when she isn't there. I can't sleep Chin." Steve's face crumpled somewhat. "I keep seeing him blow up. I can't sleep."

"I can understand that. You aren't the only one who saw him blow up." Chin reached out and put his hand on Steve's shoulder. "You lost someone you love. It was harder on you than us, but we loved him too. We miss him too. Steve you need to keep yourself healthy for Grace. You are all she has left of Danny." Watching his words sink in. "Remember she is your life now, like she was Danny's."

With that Chin left and went into Kono's office. "Do you think he listened?" She asked sadly. Grief covered their office.

"I hope so. I used the Grace card."

Kono shook her head. "Harsh Cuz."

**********************************

On day 29, Danny was sitting eating his dinner. Well, what he thinks is dinner. He is alone with his two roast beef sandwiches on napkins and two quarts of milk in paper milk boxes. It isn't much, but it is something. Apparently they don't want him to have any weapons of any kind. It's been like that since the beginning. Napkin and paper milk containers. 

It’s obvious he’s lost weight, too. The tee shirts they bring him are fitting looser now and the boxers are hanging obscenely low on his hips. Maybe he should mention this problem to Indy when he comes to visit in a couple hours. Sure it's just us boys here, but they are doing everything in their power to keep Danny relatively healthy. So maybe a mention would be good.

Magilla pushes him back into his box when he is done. He knows they watch him eat from the cameras. They have to, because no less than five minutes later they are in there after he finishes eating.

Laying there he wonders again who Indy wants dead so badly. It’s been almost a month and he hasn't given up on convincing him to kill someone. What is Indy waiting for?

Danny must have fallen asleep cause the sound of his box opening is the next sound he hears. Time for the questions and the beatings. He is getting tired of this. Really tired. Magilla two pulls him out of the box, "hey asshole I can do that myself."

Magilla one and two never speak. Occasionally there is a grunt when they are beating him, but to this point he has never heard a word out of them. Not that he hasn't tried.

Magilla one grabs the other arm and they drag him to the table. Yeah Danny can't walk right now. The last beating was on his legs and his knee is pretty messed up. "Thanks guys. I needed the help," he says sarcastically.

The door opens and in walks Indy. Same hat and wire rim glasses. Magilla one and two stand just behind Danny on either side of him. Like they know he is going to let them beat him again. "Up." Indy says. Immediately Magilla one and two grab both side of Danny and lift him up. Dragging him away from the table. "Aren't you tired Detective? I know I am." With that for the first time Danny is hit in the face. Well, he is slapped several times while he lapses into a stunned silence.

Once the slapping is done Danny chuckles. "Was that supposed to hurt?"

Indy smiles brightly. "Oh no Detective. That was me being childish and letting my anger with you get away from me." He snaps a finger and Magilla one drops his arm and moves to the door. Danny can't see what he going on, but when Magilla one returns he has Danny's wash bucket. "Do it." Magilla two drops him, steps back and Magilla one pours water over him.

"Damn it. It wasn't wash day." Danny says sarcastically.

"No, you are correct. It is warm you up day." Another snap and Magilla two goes to the door and walks out. When he returns Danny doesn't like what he sees. Magilla two has jumper cables and what appears to be a car battery. "I am tired of waiting for you to see my side of the picture Detective. I thought the beatings would break you. However, I am done waiting. Now I will step up my strategy."

A point by Indy and Magilla one steps over to where Danny's chain is tethered to the floor. Placing the batter on the floor he goes about setting up the jumper cables to the battery. Danny sees there is a cord or wire that goes from the battery out the door into the unknown beyond it. Once the battery is set up one of the clamps is clamped to the chain attached to Danny's left ankle.

"One more time Detective. I want you to kill a man for me. Will you do it?"

"Go to hell."

"Very well." A nod and then pure blackness on Danny's part.

**********************************

"Kono I know what you are trying to do, but I have Grace this weekend and I don't have time for this." Steve had his phone in his hand while scrubbing the bathroom out.

"Boss it would just be family and a BBQ at your place. Grace would love it." Kono wheedled. "We haven't seen her in two weeks."

A sigh. "Kono."

"Come on Bossman say yes. We will bring all the supplies and clean up when we are done." She can hear his brain thinking of an excuse. "It'll just be Max, Kamekona, Chin, Malia and me. Just family. Rachel and Stan and Charlie if you want." Trying to convince him to let her see Grace. Steve seemed like he kept Grace all to himself when he had her. Grace hadn't had a surfing lesson since Danny died. It was her worry that he would keep Grace in a bubble so he wouldn't lose his last tie to Danny.

"Kono. I don't think it's a good idea." Steve looked at himself in the mirror. "It's not that I don't want you here. Grace still has such a hard time when she is here."

A soft sigh. "That is why she needs her family. We all loved Danny Steve. We all love Grace. We don't want her to lose Danny either. All of us have something to contribute. Let us help you. Please."

Staring at himself he sees the circles under his eyes. He doesn't even know why he is cleaning the master bath. No one uses it anymore. Neither he, nor Grace ventured in here. It is left exactly how it was that morning with Danny's razor on the sink and his toothbrush laying next to it.

"Fine Kono. But you have to promise to clean up."

"Can do Bossman."

**********************************

Day 33, found Danny curled on his side in his box. The electrical shocking was just awful. He could still feel the shock in his bones. Like it was a phantom pain that didn't go away. At least he wasn't being beaten twice a day now. Instead he was getting a couple baths a day and electrical shock treatments. With the beatings at least Danny could wall the pain away when he thought of Grace and Steve, but now they were starting to fade. It wasn't like the beginning where he could hear Grace's laughter or Steve bitching about something Danny had left laying out. Now Grace didn't laugh anymore. Steve ceased talking to him at all.

Danny was to the point where he just wanted not to wake up from the next shock treatment. They were eroding all the good things in his life. It was starting to become a torment on him. The beatings he could withstand, but he was honestly terrified of the shock treatment. That second of pure shock like being shot and flying backwards into the darkness. He didn't know much about electroshock therapy, but from what he remembers from archaic texts like Frankenstein it is used to start or stop the heart amongst other things. Also in the 1800 and 1900s it was used for lunatics to help cure them. Essentially frying their brains. 

Was that was what was happening to him? Was the electricity really erasing Grace and Steve from his memories? Making it easier for that monster to make him a killer? Oh god, Danny thought. I can't lose them too. I've lost everything else. I can't lose Steve and Grace. They're the only reasons I am fighting this. Once he realized he could lose the last vestiges of his purpose to fight Danny wanted to die. Maybe one of these times the electricity would stop his heart. Everyone thought he was dead anyway. It would only be fair if God let him die.

He's fought so hard, but he is scared now. His strength is leaving him. Grace's smiles are a dim memory. Steve's kisses are no longer on his lips. Danny had never wanted to die in his life. He had been a cop for 13 years. Now he doesn't even know why he chose to be a cop. There are dim memories of handcuffing his siblings and his Dad being a fire fighter and his Mom a teacher, but those memories are almost gone. It is like the edges of his memory have a gray tinge around it. He wants those memories back, but he can't seem to retrieve them. It scares him that the memories are leaving him. The only memory in the forefront of his mind is a question. A simple question. Maybe it is more like a request. Somebody wants me to kill for them. How could I do that? 

Why don't they just kill him already. It isn't fair that Danny has to go through all this. Can't God take pity on him and let him die already. If there was a way Danny would kill himself. Kill himself before he lost everything he held close. Hearing the door open Danny physically starts to shake. Please, he begs God. Let me die this time. Please.

**********************************

"Grace, I don't know if we should read The Secret Garden." Steve said.

"Why not Dad?"

He remembered this book from when Mary was younger. This was something he wasn't sure it was a good idea. Steve had talked to Rachel about it before hand. The book dealt with the death of Mary's parents and he didn't know if that would cause Grace to relive Danny's death. Rachel thought it might be a good book to help her understand that grief was dealt with in very different ways. It also dealt with the healing power inherent in all living things. So they had agreed to try. Grace and Steve finished The Hunger Games trilogy the previous night and now it was time for The Secret Garden.

"Well, Gracie. It deals with the death of Mary's parents. I don't want you to feel sad about losing your Danno again."

The young girl looked intense as she thought it over. Smiling softly she said carefully. "I understand Dad, but I can't bring Danno back. Maybe if I take Mary's journey with her I will feel better about my own journey. I miss Danno and if I miss him too much we can stop." Taking Steve's hand in hers she gave Steve a smile right off Danny William's face.

"If you are sure Gracie. I don't want you hurting anymore."

Nodding she scooted over to make room for Steve on the master bedroom bed. "Dad we can do this. You lost your Mom when you weren't much older than me. That means Aunt Mary was so much younger. She read this book. I think it will help." Steve sighed. "Besides Dr. Cleeves thinks I need to, how did he put it, deal with everyday things too. I can't stay hidden. This is me not being hidden."

Steve hugged Grace to his chest tightly and kissed her head. "Oh baby girl. You are so mature for your age. I worry about you losing out on being a kid Grace."

A quiet giggle. "I promise to play Barbie's with you tomorrow Dad. When I asked Danno to play with me he said when he grows up he won't be able to play with me."

"Is that all he said?" Not wanting to let her go.

Another giggle. "No, he made me promise to never let him grow up because it was too much fun playing with me."

"Oh baby girl." Leaning back. "You know Danno loves you."

"Always Dad. Always."

Steve had some tears in his eyes, but he refused to let them fall. "Okay then. Let's read about Mary, Dickon and Colin and their secret garden."

As they both settled into their reading spots Grace took Steve's hand. "Dad?"

"Yeah?" Looking at her after opening the book.

"You always remind me, but who reminds you?"

"Reminds me of what honey?" Steve was a touch confused.

Grace smiled softly. "That Danno loves you."

Steve's heart damn near stopped. he tried to catch his breath he smiled softly back at Grace. "You can do that Grace."

"Okay." 

**********************************

On day 36, Danny was staring at Indy. "Why would I want to kill someone for you?"

"Detective. The man is a mutual enemy. He has taken what is yours and what is mine. He is our mutual enemy." Indy sat back and waited.

"I have nothing left. You made sure people thought I was dead. What else could he possibly take from me?"

A small smile on Indy's lips. "When you are ready I will tell you more. I just don't think you are convinced yet that I mean business." A flick of his wrist and Danny was up and dumped on the floor again. Magilla one poured the water over his head while Magilla two got the battery ready.

"No, please. I'm begging you. Please don't do this." Danny was on his knees. No matter how much it hurt. The electricity hurt worse. It was a moment of pure pain like he had never experienced before. It was like his bones were crunching or he was being hit repeatedly by a truck. Excruciating. 

"Sorry Detective." He snapped his fingers and the lights went out again.

**********************************

"What do we have Max?" Steve and the new hire, Ian Makito, were at the coroner's office. The Governor had been adamant about replacing Danny's spot on the team. He had explained he didn't want to replace Danny, but the task force worked well with two teams. Made sure Steve would take the new hire under his wing. It pissed him off, but he could see the point. Someone to have his back. Makito had 10 years experience and 32 cases under his belt. Worked in narcotics and homicide. Best candidate of the bunch.

"We have intrigue Commander. Follow me."

All three men walked into the autopsy room. Max lifted the sheet off the body of an elderly gentleman. "Are you sure this man didn't just die of old age Max?" Makito asked.

"No, he died of a heroin overdose."

"Uh Max. This man has to be in his 70s." Steve said looking at the coroner.

"Seventy-eight to be exact." Replacing the sheet he looked between the two men. "He is the fifth elderly person in the last three weeks to die of a drug overdose. Heroin or cocaine."

Ian looked between the two men and settled looking at Max. "Fifth?"

"That is what I said."

Suddenly Under the Sea started blaring from Steve's pocket. "Excuse me gentlemen. I need to get this." Steve wandered out into Max's office. "Grace what is it honey?"

"Mommy says I need to ask you if I can have a sleep over with Wendy tomorrow night."

Steve thought about it. "Well, aren't we supposed to go play miniature golf?"

"Yeah I know, but Wendy's dog just had puppies and they are so cute Uncle Steve. Please?" He heard the soft whine in her voice.

Steve smiled to himself. "Let me talk to your mom for a minute Gracie."

"Okay." He hears her pull the phone away, which he is thankful for. "Mom." Grace yells.

Chuckling he waits for Rachel. "Steve."

"Well, at least she pulled the phone away before she yelled for you."

Steve laughed. "There is hope. Would it be okay for her to miss miniature golf?"

"Is Wendy's safe?"

Another laugh. "Both her parents will be there, Wendy is 10, and in Grace's class."

Steve didn't want Danny to meet him at Heaven's gate without making sure Grace was completely safe. So he interrogated a nine year old. Well, her mother. "Okay okay. I'm being over protective again aren't I?"

Steve could almost see Rachel's smile. "A little bit, but nothing Danny hasn't done in the past."

"It's okay with me if she goes to the sleep over."

"Thank you. I'll let you tell her. Grace." 

"Daddy Steve?" Grace sounded unsure.

"Yes, you can stay at Wendy's. We can miniature golf next week."

A high pitched squeal that would have exploded his eardrum had he not moved the phone. "Thank you Daddy Steve."

"You're welcome Gracie. I love you. You know that right?"

Grace gave a happy laugh. "I love you too."

"You know what else?" Steve smiles sadly.

"What?"

Speaking softly in reverence. "Danno loves you too Gracie."

**********************************

Day 39, Danny was lying on his back in the middle of the room. Indy was looking down at him. "Detective can you hear me?" 

His eyes were open, but he couldn't tell if he was even awake. Everything seemed surreal and weird. He knew this man, but didn't really have a recollection of who he was. "Who are you? Who am I?"

"Ah Detective. I am afraid we might have given you a bit more shock than necessary. You're name is Detective Daniel Michael Williams." Indy smiled at him. "And I am here to help you murder the man who took your life away from you."

"Okay."

**********************************

Day 53, Indy was watching Danny closely. "Do you understand Detective? What will happen today? What you have to do today?"

A nod of understanding. "I will kill Steve McGarrett for taking our lives from us."

"Good." They went over the relatively simple plan. Danny was going to simply walk up to Steve's door at the house and shoot him when he opened the door. There had been picture of Steve with Grace and Rachel. Pictures of Steve and Grace. The pictures showed how Danny had lost his family. It had been Steve's fault that he was in that building when it blew. If it wasn't for Mason, Danny would have died.

Mason was in fact, Indy, but Danny didn't remember calling him Indy. His real name was Mason Riggs and his son had been killed as part of one of Steve's SEAL teams. Steve was the commanding officer on that mission and it was his fault that Kenneth Riggs was dead. His revenge on Steve McGarrett would be complete. He would take his life in return for him causing the death of his son. He would disappear and no one would be the wiser.

Danny Williams would try and blame him, but Mason Riggs died in a house fire eight months before. He was already dead.

Magilla one and two flanked Danny on either side as the three men made their way to the sedan. They were to witness to make sure Danny shot McGarrett and then leave him there. Once the task was done they were free to go. Having been paid handsomely.

The drive is silent. Danny steps out at the end of the driveway. Steve's cars are home. From what Mason told him the silver Camaro is actually Danny's car. Bastard even took his car. This was going to be easy. Stopping at the front door he pulled out his gun. Making sure the safety was off he poises to knock when he hears a high pitched squeal followed by masculine laughter. Placing his ear carefully on the door he hears the laughter of a small child. "Grace?" 

From the pictures and what Mason has been telling him Steve has visitation with Grace now that Danny is dead. Apparently something happened because this isn't a regular Grace weekend day. Listening through the door he hears the sounds of running feet and laughter. It sounds like Steve has taken everything of his. Grace was his everything.

"I'm going to kill him, but not with Grace around." Turning from the door he briskly walked back to the car. "Take me back. Grace is in there."

Neither man in the car says anything. They just look at each other and shrug. This is not how it is supposed to go. He was supposed to shoot him, they call the boss and then they bug out. Simple plan. Even that couldn't go right.

Just like the drive to Steve’s house, the drive back is silent. Danny is pissed. Steve took his life from him. He wasn't there to back him up and if Mason hadn't of been there Danny would have died in that blast. It never occurred to Danny to question why Mason was there in the first place. The man had saved his life then showed him proof that Steve had stolen his. In Danny's book no questions ever need to be asked.

"He had Grace." Mason looks up from his desk in the office off the area where Danny had been held hostage.

"What?"

"The son of a bitch had my daughter. They were laughing and playing like it was NO big deal that I was dead."  
Danny began to pace the office. Mason just sat back and watched his handy work. Danny was fully his now. He just needed to find a better time and place to let loose the Detective on the unsuspecting Steve McGarrett.

**********************************

Day 56.

It was a quiet day at Iolani Palace. The Five-0 team and their newest member were in their offices. Confidently and calmly the bearded man climbed the stairs to the Five-0 offices. His steps slowed as he passed the darkened office. Kono was the first to notice the man from her office he was purposefully striding up to Chin and Steve at the consol table who were going over some crime scene photos from a series of home invasions. Firmly the bearded man cleared his throat, raised his gun, and as the two men turned to see who it was, the man fired his gun three times into the chest of Steve McGarrett. When dead man Danny Williams shot Steve McGarrett all hell broke loose.

Chin immediately fell to the ground beside Steve and covered his chest. Kono came out of her office gun drawn. "Drop the weapon you son of a bitch." Ian was on his phone calling HPD for backup. "I said drop it."

The bearded man turned and looked at Kono. "Why Kono?"

"Danny?!" 

With that Chin's head whipped up and yelled. "Why Danny? What did Steve ever do to you?"

"He took my family." Danny looked over his shoulder. "Let him die Chin. It'll save the taxpayers a lot of money for the havoc he causes."

Kono took the opportunity to grab Danny's gun from his hand. "Give me the gun Danny." He released it.

"At least he will no longer have access to Grace. I did it for Grace." HPD came barreling in and chaos reigned.

 

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A year later we find our boys dealing with the aftermath of the shooting and brainwashing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone who read the story asked me to be nice to the boys this time. To be kind and let them come back together since I had tortured them so badly in the first and second parts. Well, with everything I did to them I couldn't think of an easy way to do that. Since Steve had begun to accept Danny's death and Danny was brainwashed to kill Steve. Instead of taking everyone through all the psychological stuff I decided to move it a year in the future. There could be timestamps in this universe, but I don't think so. I want the boys healed and somewhat healthy. Since I abused them so greatly in the original 2 parts. Please suspend your beliefs somewhat for this epilogue. I don't have much medical experience so in my world Steve would survive 3 gunshot wounds to the chest (he is after all Steve McGarrett!!). I do have therapy and psychological experience so some of that will be real. However, I have NO experience with the law and this is where you will truly need to suspend your beliefs. As I want Danny back at 5-0 and not in jail or locked up in a psychiatric hospital. This will take place a year in the future, but I hope to tie up everything you read before this as close to reality as possible. Thank you for reading.

Epilogue

Steve stared out from the lanai and watched Grace and Danny down at the tide line. It was still a miracle that they were together again. The last year had been a whole host of nightmares for all of them. From Danny's imprisonment and his being in a psychiatric ward to Steve's own coma for six weeks. Having his family back together again was a miracle. Closing his eyes and leaning back Steve allowed himself to think about the latest session with Dr. Wynn and let his mind wander over the latest issue in their familial relationship.

Dr. Wynn was the family counselor that was Danny's treating therapist at the hospital. He was the one that first noticed the signs of PTSD and brainwashing. When word got out that Danny was alive Rachel had come to visit him in jail. Danny referred to her as his wife and not his ex wife. It was Rachel who had been instrumental in getting Danny moved from Halawa to Kahi Mohala Behavioral Health. With Stan's money and the backing of the Governor, Danny was moved. It was there that is was discovered that Danny had been brainwashed. Rachel was the first to realize Danny was not as right as he seemed.

Danny was inpatient for five months while his, Rachel and Stan's actually; lawyers battled it out in court. Finally after a week of intense courtroom drama where Danny spent two days on the witness stand he was freed of all charges.

Meanwhile, Kono and Chin, who had believed his story, managed to track down and find Mason Riggs. They had a little help from NCIS with that. Chin called in one of Steve's favors to Sam and Sam got NCIS on board. Mason Riggs was apprehended in Key West, Florida by NCIS stationed in Boca Chica, Florida. That took almost a month, but in the end Mason Riggs was apprehended and brought back to Hawaii to stand trial for kidnapping, murder, torture, and a host of other crimes. The goons he hired were found dead in a pineapple field about a week after Danny shot Steve. Their connection wasn't made until much later when Danny gave a description of the men who actually tortured him.

They, as a family and separately, had been seeing Dr. Wynn to heal their family. Grace came every other session and Danny and Steve went together once a week. They went separately once a week as well. At first Steve had been against it, but then a small voice explained she wanted her family back. When Grace had told him that he acquiesced and started therapy.

Steve could honestly say he was surprised by Dr. Wynn. He was a kind, younger doctor who believed in both Eastern and Western philosophies. The man actually had Danny meditating for heaven's sake. In all honesty, Steve liked and trusted Dr. Wynn.

The most recent visit was a little harder than normal. Steve and Danny had been fighting about Danny moving in with Steve. Danny had been living with Stan and Rachel for the last several months. That had been a suggestion from Dr. Wynn. Allow Danny to reacclimatize with the life he left behind, the life he was told he had, and the life he was actually living. Grace was thrilled about having Danny around all the time. So was Danny for that matter. Once he had been released from the hospital, Danny had moved straight into Rachel and Stan's and it had been an ongoing fight to get Danny under Steve's roof. Steve wanted his boyfriend back. 

Once everything had been worked out, Danny and Steve had started dating like they were in high school again. Steve had never once not believed in Danny. For Chin and Kono was the same. They all knew there was no way Danny would shoot Steve without a damn good reason. So Steve and Danny began to date. There would be over night dates and when Steve had custody of Grace on the weekends Danny would stay in the house with them. Dr. Wynn had said it was important to rebuild both families as best as they could be. Steve still had custody of Grace and Danny hadn't said anything to that. In fact, they agreed that Steve deserved to spend time with Grace to since she thought of him as another father.

Dr. Wynn had suggested they do a trial run on living together. It would be just a week to see if they could handle being together 24/7 again. They were able to do it on weekends and now that Danny was back at Five-0 officially they would need to see where their limits were - if they could spend 24/7 together again. Steve never stopped trusting Danny. Even after he woke from the coma and Danny wasn't there. Kono filled him in on everything that had happened while he was asleep.

When Steve was released he spent all the time he could visiting Danny while he was inpatient at Kahi Mohala. When he was finally released the first place he had Mary take him was to see Danny. Mary had flown in from the mainland when Kono called and said it looked like he wouldn't make it, but Mary told Steve she never believed he would die. They had to wait until visiting hours, but Steve wouldn't let Mary take him home until he saw Danny. When Dr. Wynn found out Steve was there, he introduced himself and asked if they could talk. Steve and Dr. Wynn spoke for almost 2 hours that day. Major thing they discussed was if Steve there to hinder Danny's progress or not.

Steve spent several hours on the stand explaining he trusted Danny more than any person on the planet. The fact that it had taken torture and psychological abuse to convince Danny to kill Steve shows the man didn't want to do it.

On the job they clicked almost like old times. There was no resentment on Steve's part and thanks to counseling sessions with Dr. Wynn, Danny was pretty much over the guilt and belief that the abuse was his fault.

Now, however, Danny was dragging his feet. He didn't want to move in with Steve. Danny said it was too soon. Steve was steady in trying to convince Danny that he had never wanted Danny to move in with Rachel and Stan, but rather wanted Danny under Steve's roof. Permanently. However, the man was stubborn and was fighting it. His argument was they needed more time on the job to see how things work there. Danny had been back only 4 weeks. In fact, Dr. Wynn believed that the men were ready for it, too.

Danny was standing down at the water line with Grace with his hands in his pockets, while Grace was frolicking in the water with nearby. They had just come from a family counseling session and then they were going to dinner. Grace liked the idea of having Danny and Steve live together. Often times Grace would look at Danny and remind him of their secret, but she would never say what it is.

When Steve opened his eyes he watched his family with a soft smile on his face. They had been through the ringer the last year. Steve hadn't gotten off to easy either. After six weeks in a coma, he spent an additional month in the hospital for further recovery. He required three months of physical therapy before he could swim or run again. Steve was still going a couple times a week to physical therapy, but he was able to work the desk at Five-0. Around the time that Danny was reinstated by the Governor, Steve had been cleared to work in the field.

When Danny first saw Steve's scars he cried. All Steve could do was hold him until the tears passed. Danny's guilt had been horrendous at first. Both of them were healing in different ways. Danny had nightmares from the torture. Steve had nightmares from the shooting. Dr. Wynn said their nightmares would lessen and he offered some medication to allow them to sleep and not have nightmares. Danny had taken him up on the medication offer, but not Steve. He said he was used to the nightmares from his SEAL years, so he dealt with them as best he could. Some weekends neither man got sleep, but they at least had each other.

Steve’s musings made him curious as to why Danny was hesitant to do a trial week of living together. As Steve watched his family, he thought about a suggestion Dr. Wynn made about seeing things from Danny’s point of view. Danny was trying very hard to act normal at Five-0. He was more subdued than before, not as expressive, his hands didn't fly as often as before. Maybe he was feeling guilt or some other emotion since his return? Ian was still a part of the team. He was working out well and Steve had talked with the Governor long and hard about keeping the fifth team member. In the end Ian was staying. He was never meant to be a replacement to Danny, but maybe Danny didn't see it that way.

Steve thought back on all the interactions that Danny had with Ian. How Ian worked well with everyone on the team. Danny seemed to understand and recognize that Ian was a part of the team. They got along well, so it would seem. When Danny came back he and Ian had teamed together for several days before Steve had been cleared to light duty. This naturally teamed himself back up with Danny. They seemed to click, but maybe Steve was hoping too much. Danny also didn't express his opinion as much as before. It was almost as if Danny didn't trust himself enough to enter into the conversations.

Steve scrubbed his face as he remembered something Dr. Wynn had asked when he was in his private session. Did Steve trust Danny? Without hesitation Steve said yes even after everything that happened.

Maybe that was it? Maybe Danny didn't know that Steve still trusted him 100%. Or maybe Danny didn't trust himself? Steve had never outright said that he trusted Danny. Despite the shooting Steve's belief in Danny never wavered. His trust in his partner and boyfriend was still solid. Maybe Danny needed to know that.

Steve rubbed his chest at the phantom pains he still felt. Who knew three bullets could leave phantom pain. Danny's grouping was amazing. He had managed to shoot Steve in the chest but not on the side with his heart. Almost as if somewhere deep inside Danny still couldn't kill Steve. The bullets did some serious damage, but none of them came close to a killing shot. The shooting was something else they never spoke about either.

Steve smiled as he watched Danny swing Grace around. Steve knew some of the details about the torture after opening up about his own torture at the hands of Wo Fat in their sessions. Once Danny knew some of what Steve went through and heard the similarities that allowed smaller man to willingly share some of his ordeal. There were also things Danny didn't share about. At least not in their shared sessions. Steve just hoped whatever it was that Danny wasn't sharing with Steve he was at least sharing it with Dr. Wynn.

Steve chuckled to himself when he heard Grace laughing. She could always break him out of his dark thoughts. She truly was their angel. The longer he watched, the more he wanted to join in, but he knew there was something holding him back. The session today had been good. Grace had stated she wanted all her family back together, but Danny tried to lessen the blow by telling her she has it. She had insisted her Danno and her Daddy Steve should live together like they are supposed to. 

Then she had stared at Danny intensely and said, "I kept your secret. You need to go home." Like she was an adult. Steve had been curious about the secret, but in all the time since Danny's death and his resurrection Grace never once shared it with another. It set Steve's curiosity off, but he never once asked. She would share with him if she wanted to.

Steve smiled at Grace as she raced across the yard toward him. "Daddy Steve, Danno says we can go out to dinner now. Can we go to Helena's? Please?"

"What does Danno say?"

Smiling as he steps onto the lanai, "I say let Daddy Steve decide."

"Okay. Let's go to Helena's."

A shriek and a hug and they were on their way.

**********************************

"Could you stay tonight? There are things I want to say." Steve and Danny were sitting in the truck in Rachel’s driveway. 

"Steve, I don't know if I should."

Reaching out and taking Danny's hand Steve held tight. It took almost a month of abortive touches until Danny felt comfortable enough with Steve to let him touch him or Danny touch Steve.

"Please. I think I know why you aren't ready and the driveway isn't someplace we should be discussing this."

Holding his hand Danny looked at their intertwined fingers. It wasn't that he wasn't ready to move in with Steve. Truth was that he was scared. They had come so close last time and some son of a bitch had destroyed that. Now Steve is ready again and this time actually asking and Danny was scared. What if history repeated itself? It takes so much out of him to fight the fears of somebody coming up to him on the street and kidnapping him.

"Okay. Let me go get a bag. I'll be right back."

Steve leaned over and kissed him lightly. "Okay. Hurry back."

Danny did hurry. Little did Steve know Danny always had a bag packed to stay the night at Steve's place. He knew that they would eventually get back to where they were, but maybe they shouldn't. That man broke something in him that Danny didn't know could ever be repaired. Danny had told Dr. Wynn on more than one occasion that he felt a part of him could never be healed, but that he never wanted to be a victim. He didn't want that label. The doctor told Danny that he would never be a victim. He fought for everything until his body and brain just gave up.

That’s what happens in psychological abuse. The box, the lack of natural light, not knowing the day or the time of day. All forms of abuse to destroy the mind. With the beatings and torture on top of that it wasn't a surprise he broke. No person could handle that. However, Danny had a small little voice in his head that said Steve could. He would have held out and finally gotten free.

Maybe that was the reason he didn't really want to move in. Because Steve would have survived all that. He never would have broken. Dr. Wynn assured him there were prisoners of war who didn't go through the trauma Danny went through. Even soldiers who had been trained. Maybe that was Wynn’s way of saying Steve couldn't survive it either. That little voice saying Steve could have survived was tiny, but powerful. Then Danny catches a glimpse of Steve's chest and the fact that he survived Danny shooting him point blank that voice gets a little stronger. If Steve can beat a grouping of bullets like that then he would have survived being tortured. He's done it before.

Running down the stairs he waves goodbye to Rachel and heads back out to the truck. Steve looks a little lost in though, but shakes himself out of it when Danny gets in. The ride back to Steve's is quiet. Both men lost in their thoughts. It doesn't stop Steve from reaching out and touching Danny. Danny finally interlaces their fingers to a soft smile from Steve.

It used to be that Danny touched Steve, not the other way around, but since the hospital Steve is always touching him. Danny can honestly say it is reassuring. The first time Steve reached out to hug him when he was in Kahi Mohala Danny couldn't stomach to let himself be touched. Even Grace wasn't allowed to touch. Now he can handle the touch of those he loves with ease.

When they get to Steve's, Danny drops his bag at the bottom of the stairs and Steve goes to get some beer. Danny shouldn't be drinking with his meds, but Steve and Danny have one beer each. Steve understands about Danny's meds and respects Dr. Wynn's wishes on meds. It was Dr. Wynn who said if Danny wanted a beer occasionally he could have one without messing up the meds, but he really shouldn't drink. By silent agreement they head out to their beach chairs leaving their shoes on the lanai. Once settled they drink their beers in peace.

"I think it is about trust. Why you don't want to move in. You don't fully trust me."

Danny stared at Steve for a few moments before shaking his head. "No, Steve I do trust you. I trust you with my life. That has never been a problem."

Steve turned to look at Danny. "Then what?"

"It's stupid. Something I should have gotten over, but it is still this little voice inside me."

"D." Reaching out and taking his hand. "What you are going through will never be stupid. You have been through a literal hell. I could never have survived as you did. When Wo Fat had me I begged silently for death. I had even said my goodbyes in the silence to everyone. Everyone, but you. I just couldn't away to say goodbye to you." Steve squeezed Danny’s hand.

"That's it. You would have died rather than let them use you. I just wanted to survive. I wanted to survive to see you and Grace and Rachel and everyone again." A quiet hiccup. "But you would have made them kill you. Not make you a tool."

Steve stared at Danny in horror. "Jesus Danny is that what you think? That you let them use you?" Steve moved from his chair to his knees in front of Danny in a heartbeat. "You survived. You came back. You came back to Grace and Rachel and to me Danny. You came back. You survived which is so much worse than dying. Death is the cowards' way out." Steve was holding both of Danny's hands in his having put the beer down on the table. "You are so much stronger than me. In the SEALs we leave no man behind. Every one of us knows capture is a possibility. Each man has a choice, survive or die. I would have died taking out as many people as possible because that is how I do things. I don't know if I could ever survive the emotions and issues you are having because of this."

Placing a hand on Danny's cheek he feels the dampness from Danny's tears. "I am glad you survived. I would never get to be with you if you hadn't. You have proven to me you are the strongest man I have ever met. You are surviving every day. I am so fucking proud of you."

Steve watched as Danny looked off into the dark expanse of ocean. He moved his hand around Danny's neck while Danny took in Steve's words. Was it possible that Steve couldn't have survived this? Did Danny have it backwards? Was surviving the worse of the outcomes because he would have to deal with all the issues that popped up from the traumas? Was surviving the stronger way out?

"Steve?" He cleared his throat. "I just feel like I am failing." Looking down into Steve's eyes. "Every day it is something new. Another nightmare or a flashback or a touch or a word. I don't know how I keep going some days."

"Oh Danno." Steve moved up so he was eye level with Danny. He gently touched his lips to Danny's. A simple soft touch. "You are the strongest man I know. You survived for Grace and for me. We will be here for you as you get better. We are here for you as we all heal."

Danny continued to speak softly. "What if this is as better as I get? What if I can never be who I was?" He kept his eyes locked with Steve's. 

"I love you no matter what. I never stopped." Steve pulled their foreheads together. "I thought I lost you once Danny. Never again am I going to take for granted that you will always be with me. No matter what the outcome I am here for you." A soft kiss.

"Even if I can't move in? Even if I don't think this relationship can survive?" Danny held his breath. Steve was his best friend and Danny needed to know if he wasn't strong enough to love Steve and be in a relationship that Steve wouldn't leave him. He felt so broken.

"Danny I want you in my life. I would love for it to be how it was, but I know that isn't going to happen. I want us to move forward. If that is apart then as painful as it will be I accept that. Just know," He paused as he got choked up, "just know I will always love you. I will be there and be your best friend as long as you'll have me."

Staring into Steve's eyes Danny knew Steve meant it. If Danny couldn't handle the relationship they had now with everything else Steve would let him go. Not willingly, but he would let him go. "Oh Steven." He closed his eyes as more tears escaped from his eyes. He kept thinking about what Steve said about it takes incredible strength to survive like he did. To deal with everything that Danny has gone through, is going through and will go through. It wasn't fair to make this man wait for him if he would never be healed. Always some broken thing. Forever in hell.

However, what Steve said about them healing together in one of their sessions with Dr. Wynn made sense too. Everyone had thought Danny dead. Then some asshole had brainwashed him to kill the man he loved. If Steve could forgive Danny for almost killing him then maybe Danny had the strength to keep fighting.

With his eyes still closed, Danny spoke. "I wanted them to kill me. I wouldn't have been a participant in my own death, but when they got to the shock treatments I wanted to never wake up. I couldn't say my goodbyes. Some days that feeling of never wanting to wake up grips me. Some days I just don't want to wake up."

When he opened his eyes he found Steve crying with him. "I will always be there to wake you up Danno. I will hold you when the terror takes you over. It takes incredible power to wake up when you don't want to. You are living and doing and beating that bastard every time either one of us takes a breath. Don't let him win now."

For the first time Danny reached out to Steve's face. His emotions were in turmoil. Why this man wanted to stay with him when he was so broken he couldn't understand. How could Steve still love him? The doctor said and Steve reiterated it, love doesn't just die and Steve kept on loving him even after Danny's death. Maybe Steve wouldn't leave him. That was his biggest fear. That Danny was too much to handle, but hadn't he always been a little to much to handle? Steve had always shown he loved Danny even when he was being himself.

"Steve?" Would this, could this work? "Heal together?"

A nod. "Just like we have been until now. Going to therapy, the meds, being there for each other, healing, and being a family. We can do this Danny. I want to do this. I want you home where I can hold you until your and my fears are gone. Can't protect you, but at least I can be there when you need me." Steve kissed Danny's nose. "Together. Partners."

"Partners?" Danny knew he had been holding himself back at work. He was so scared for Steve. Steve was healing, but slowly and every time Steve had pain Danny felt guilt. It was lessening, but he still felt some. "On and off the job?"

"Yes." Kissing his lips.

Danny let Steve lead the kiss. It felt good to have Steve lead him. To take them someplace safe and good. Yes, their love was good and safe. It was one of the few safe places Danny had found. Breaking away breathless. "I love you Steve."

Hand around the back of his neck. "Danny I would give up everything to heal you. I love you so much I don't want to lose you. I can't lose you again."

Eyes on each other sharing air. "Would moving in be a good start?"

Steve smiled brightly through his tears. "Maybe a week trial basis?"

Matching his smile. "That's what the Doc suggested."

"I love you Danny. I'd do anything for you."

It finally occurred to Danny. This man would be there forever for him. Broken or healed. Good times and bad. Partners forever. Maybe it was time to get that ring from Grace? After all she had kept it safe and secret this whole time.

"I think that has finally broken through my stubborn side. Thank you Steve. For being patient with me. I know you aren't always."

A laugh from both of them. "Danny I am more patient these days. You are my past, present and future. I want to be yours."

Danny kissed Steve. When they broke off Danny smiled through his tears. "You are mine too. I love you Steve. Always will."

"Let's go inside baby, I want to hold you." Steve stood and reached out to Danny giving him a strong hug.

"Okay. I am good with that."

As both men lay spooned around each other in the dark later after making leisurely love to each other Danny thought about the last year of his life. The man holding him had never left him, Danny had done the leaving, now it was Danny's turn to show Steve that he was with him forever. It was time to let go some of the pain and guilt. Steve wasn't holding a grudge or any antagonism toward Danny. He loved him for just who he was. Maybe the doctor was right. Maybe they could have happily ever after. 

Nothing was a guarantee, but they were still working and healing together. As long as they faced anything together they could defeat it. In the dark, "I love you Steve." The arms around him tightened as Steve hummed his response. A couple soft kisses on his shoulder were the only answer that Steve wasn't quite asleep. This man was his past, present and future. He could get used to that.

 

Finis

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and criticism welcome.


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